Great minds must truly think alike. As I headed off to bed after my last lousy post, my thought was "Lord, I've seen Your hand in my life. Now, I need Your face." God had done so many wonderful things and yet, I was miserable.
Looking through Scripture, it's easy to see that we're a selfish, demanding, ungrateful people. Never satisfied. And, we're no different today. Continually trying to fill the vacuum with things instead of God. And we're miserable because of it.
This morning, reading Made to Crave I see that Lysa Terkeurst has come to the same conclusion. She uses the catchy expression of "tying your happy to______________." Since the issue that spawned her book is about weight and skinny jeans, she tied her happy to wearing skinny jeans.
So, what am I tying my happy to? A relief from all the stress. When Sheila gets sick and we can't get her medicines down her throat, I'm unhappy. Scared. I have yet to receive May royalties from the publisher. Checking on the royalty statement was so discouraging, I'm wondering if my hopes were too high. The woman who travels to a lot of the book fairs said I did "very well" in Frankfurt, Germany. What does that mean?
My tics have increased in intensity as well as number, leaving me exhausted. Psalm 119:71 says, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees." I try to remember that, but sometimes the physical exhaustion affects the emotions, making it hard to be grateful for God's choice in how I am to glorify Him.
Trying to start a career at my age is preposterous. Yet, here I am, stressed to the max at trying to learn to use the computer, trying to find an agent and a publisher, a laptop, and trying to find a way to afford a writer's conference. I don't imagine Moses always enjoyed leading millions of people across the dessert for 40 years when he was 80 years old. Sarah giving birth at 90 couldn't have been a whole lot of fun, either. So what am I griping about?
My favorite One to remember, though, is Jesus, "Who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2
I know, I know, God won't give me more than I can handle, but sometimes I feel like He's got more confidence in me than I do. That's why I need Him to fill the vacuum. As long as I hop from one answer to prayer to another, I'm continuing to seek His hand. God doesn't owe me a thing and I'm grateful for all He's given me, but the one thing I long for more than anything else is Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment