Attitude of gratitude

Through all my trials and tribulations, God has shown His amazing love and tender watch care the past few weeks.  Suffice it to say, they've been tough.  I won't go into details.  There are many who are suffering so much more than me.  I always lose the game of "First Liar Doesn't Stand a Chance." Come to think of it, that's a really good thing.  Who wants to win at having the most to complain about?  Even if it's being played by bragger's, who believes the winner?

When the phone call came yesterday from the state to say they hadn't received my tax payment, I felt like this old camel's back had been broken.  The woman I talked to was pleasant, professional, and polite, but not helpful.  Of course, I couldn't find my copy.  I have two file cabinets and a file drawer in my desk.  Not there.  Repeated searches.  Finally, I called back and said, "I surrender.  I'll pay the fine and repay the taxes."

I didn't even get that out of my mouth before the soothing voice of Marshall, the man who answered my call, began explaining the entire situation in ways that sent my self-pity party to the dung heap, including a large topping of shame. He also made my situation easier.  All calls are monitored and if that's the reason he was the man to take my call or if it was Divine Providence, I'll never know, but I'm eternally grateful the Lord allowed that man to take my call and set my jangled nerves at ease.

This morning, Sarah Young's remarks hit home.  "There are hidden treasures strategically placed along the way.  Some of the treasures are trials, designed to shake you free from earth-shackles. Others are blessings that reveal My Presence; sunshine, flowers, birds, friendships, answered prayer." Thanks, I needed that.

I then moved to Lysa Terkeurst's "Made to Crave."  I'm just beginning to realize even though the battle is won, the enemy is still sniping by sending temptations, discouragements, self-pity, saboteurs ("It won't hurt just this once") to throw me off track. In addition, my nervous system is completely compromised and right now, I'm extremely fragile.  Twice this past week I've succumbed to temptation.  Then comes today's chapter in Lysa's book, "This Isn't Fair," It dealt with self-pity and defeat.  In the chapter, she states, "once we taste forbidden fruit, we will crave it worse than we ever have before."

When I taught abstinence in the high school, one of the teachers had a quote on the wall that said, "If you think saying no is hard, wait till you say yes."  Potent statements, both of them.

Lysa also quotes a woman who says, 'He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of such a choice, so that I would continually be drawn back into His arms.  He wants me to come to Him for fulfillment, emotional healing, comfort-and if I could go to food for [comfort, emotional healing, fulfillment] and never gain an ounce, well then, what would I need God for?'"

Lysa asks, "In what ways might your struggle be beneficial or even a blessing?"  I don't know about you, but I'd never really given that possibility a whole lot of thought.  And when she said self-pity is relying on our own strength, rather than God's, that resonated.  I acknowledge I rely on my own strength and, of course, I fail. One of the biggest lies taught in America today is that we can do anything we set our minds to do.  No, we can't. Unfortunately, we set the kids up for failure, but I digress.

The most important thing for me right now is an attitude of gratitude.  The Lord has certainly given me so much to be grateful for. The first thing I saw this morning on Facebook was my grandson's graduation.  Thanks to today's technology, my daughter-in-law filmed the whole thing and sent it to me via Facebook.

I also need to recognize when I'm trying to do things in my own strength rather than relying on the Lord.  I need to admit I'm weak.  Right now, physically, my nervous system is so compromised, I'm an emotional wreck. It's time to seek the Presence of the Lord and let everything else take care of itself.

All in all it's been a great couple of days in spite of the way I feel.  Therefore, thank you, Lord. Thank You for the promise that You will never leave me or forsake me.