Those who know me, have seen me, and stuck with me, have done so through thick and thin. I've been gaining and losing weight since is was 13 years old. Each time I lose, I am so confident it's the last time I'll have to endure that and before long, I'm back where I started. Of course, over the years, the number on the scale has climbed higher and higher.
I've always known obesity is sin because food becomes my idol. If I'm not dieting, I eat everything in sight. If I am dieting, I'm obsessing about what I can eat, when, and how much. I'm a comfort eater, an anger eater, a frustration eater, a social eater, an "it's time to eat" eater. I've even said I eat anything that doesn't bite back. But, it's no joke. It makes me miserable and consumed with guilt at being such a failure.
But, God is so faithful. Sunday, Ravi Zacharias spoke about guilt being very destructive to love. He used the illustration of a brother and sister. The brother had a large bag of marbles and his sister had a bag of candy. He asked if she wanted to swap and she agreed. Before the swap, he discovered he had several very good marbles he decided he'd keep. She'd never know. That night, after the swap, she slept like a baby, but he didn't sleep a wink. Why? He kept worrying that she'd not given him all her candy. He ended his message asking if we're suffering from guilt, what have we not surrendered to the Lord?
Next came the pastor's message on I Thessalonians 5:23-24. "May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. The One Who calls you is faithful and He will do it." Pastor pointed out that the spirit guides the soul (intellect, will, emotions) and the soul guides the body.
All these years, I've been doing it backwards. I've believed getting the body under control will help the emotions and that will make me feel better spiritually. NOT. Years ago, Pastor said we experience God in our spirit, express God in our soul, and exhibit God in our body. And it never happens backward. We cannot become Christians by good works and Christian talk if the spirit has not been quickened. (Ephesians 2:1) I've known that about salvation, but never thought about it in regard to my weight.
Monday, I saw my neurologist. I'd gained another 6 pounds in 3 months. I explained to him I was searching for intrinsic motivation and diets are extrinsic. That's why they fail. They "do nothing to restrain sensual indulgence." (Colossians 2:23)
Yesterday, I was reading "God's Smuggler" with one of the students. Brother Andrew tells of his lessons on faith while he was in school for missions. The school was 100% by faith and naturally, finances were a challenge. At one point, Brother Andrew was looking in gutters for pennies. It made him realize that it wasn't about money, it was about relationship. When he worked at the chocolate factory, he expected to be paid for his work and he was. He had to trust the Lord to meet his needs just like the factory paid him for his work. That made me wonder if I've been obedient to the Lord, expecting Him to meet my needs instead of basing it on love-on relationship. Christianity is not about quid pro quo. Was I trying hard to be at a normal weight to prove I was in a right relationship with Him, rather than a right relationship with Him controlling my weight? What part of Matthew 6:33 did I not understand? "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you."
This morning, Sarah Young said, "Trying not to think about something is usually ineffective and counterproductive. The effort to stop think about the matter keeps you chained to those thoughts. However, you can beak free by focusing your attention on Me and what I'm doing in your life." Jesus Today page 71. Seeking God's Presence instead of wondering what I'm going to fix for dinner, my allotment of protein and carbs, what that new treat would taste like, etc, has been more fulfilling. Jesus said He came to give us abundant life and I've missed so much by seeking abundance in the kitchen or my appearance. Dieting or gorging-and there's never been a middle ground-has been all about the food.
Above all, I'm grateful that He promises "The One Who calls you is faithful, and He will do it." I know me and I know I can't do it without Him.
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