I'm so grateful God is loving and gentle when He corrects me. I'm sure He knows how I get my back up when people try to advise me without my asking. They're 99.9% wrong and 100% meddling. On the other hand, the Lord often uses examples from the lives of others to show me I'm no different. Life applications I call it. That's one of the myriad of reasons I wrote my book and have others about ready to go.
I have no right to judge other people and don't appreciate their judging me. However, if I can use stories to prove my point, perhaps they'll understand and "get it."
Yesterday, I told Bob I was giving up the icicle lights I bought 14 years ago and had attempted to put up on the condo porch only a couple of times. His thank you was so sincere and so full of relief, I realized how selfish I was being, asking an 80 year old man to climb a ladder and put up lights strangers driving by could enjoy for a week. (We're going to our son's for Christmas and the lights will be out.) Adding insult to injury, Bob is not really a celebration kind of guy. One of the first things he told me when we were dating is that Christmas was just another day in the week when he was growing up. That statement was so foreign to me, I was just sure he'd be dazzled and change his opinion once he saw how Christmas was really done-my way, of course.
Didn't happen. He's never really complained, but I get the impression he kind of grits his teeth, hoping I'll get done shopping for others before we go completely bankrupt. Childhood abject poverty left deep scars I've so often selfishly ignored. I'm trying to express my love to others and he's paying for it. Not good or right. He hates glitter, so I make the effort to please him by vacuuming every day. There just aren't any decorations in this day and age that don't have glitter. Even Christmas cards glitter.
Spray on snow. Well, that's an absolute no-no. Has been for 47 years. He still mentions it on occasion. (Nagging, I think it's called, but at least he does it in a joking way.) I was pregnant with our second son 47 years ago and pregnancy, for me, was difficult. Spray on snow was cheap-but oh, so hard to get off after Christmas. It took months and Bob growled and groused about it the whole time. He still talks about it when I say something about decorating for Christmas. Lesson learned.
Last night, while I was watching TV, I noticed my vision was a little blurred. It's happened before. Don't know why, but it doesn't usually last long. It made me remember three people and reminded me that I need to make some changes in my diet. I've been gaining and losing weight since I was 13 and would dearly love to get off this ridiculous whatever you want to call it. My daughter-in-law is concerned about my son's health. He's diabetic and recently, his vision began to blur. It scared him and put him back on eating right. Diabetes affects vision and he knows it. I told my daughter-in-law about the man on Facebook who is diabetic.
When he first started posting, he mentioned he was diabetic and the doctor said if he didn't change his ways, he would die. That scared him enough to change his diet. For months, he posted his weight loss and it was phenomenal. Then, a few weeks ago, his post was full of typos. He posted that suddenly his vision was black. Nothing but black. Yep, he's now blind.
I've known about him and his situation for months, but it didn't affect me. Until last night. My blurred vision, my son's blurred vision and the Facebook posting of sudden blindness. It also brought to mind one of our students who's no longer with us. I dearly love that boy, but he was a handful. One of the rules of Shiloh is that a boy behaves, and if he doesn't, he has to leave. This boy had been warned repeatedly. I have to say our culture has changed so dramatically and it's causing our boys to act out in violent ways. He was one of those boys.
In the classroom one day, he was the only one there and he was sobbing violently. The others were in with the pastor. I'd never seen him that boy so emotionally distraught. I've seen boys cry, even caused some of them to cry. (Sometimes, they're afraid they can't do what they need to do to complete the assignment. They'll get teary eyed, expecting me to pity them. I ignore it and we always get the assignment done.) Ever so gently, the Lord reminded me that my yo-yo behavior with food is no different than the boy's being good and bad. I was playing the same game with God. The boy was forced to leave the school and may face military school, especially if again is expelled from public school. That's how we get a lot of our boys. If I continue to binge and diet, I could face diabetes and worse.
If I might digress for a moment, I would love to learn the lesson that intrinsic motivation is so superior to extrinsic. Extrinsic motivation is often from fear and seldom is lasting. Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, is lasting and isn't from fear. God's Word says perfect love casts out fear. Why can't I understand that God is not trying to scare me into eating properly? He's telling me He loves me so much, He doesn't want me to destroy myself-His creation of love.
Finally, this morning, we were having our typical love fest with our dog Sheila. She loves it when Bob puts her on the bed between us and we lavish love on her and she us. Her little tail beats strong and steady to our petting her. She loves it when we rub her chest. If I stop, she paws me, letting me know to do more. My hand is at an awkward angle and it tires easily. It's reminds me of the boys who complain that typing or writing in cursive tires their hands. Blithely, I tell them they'll get used to it. They're learning something for their good.
So, how does that compute with my dog's demands on my hand and time? It reminds me that I'm giving of myself unselfishly. If you've read my book, you know that love is spelled s-a-c-r-i-f-i-c-e. That's how the Lord showed His love for mankind. He demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Therefore, Lord, let me learn intrinsic motivation. Let me learn that proper eating is Your expression of love for me. You want me to be healthy. You want me to focus on You-the Lover of my soul. You want me to give up the idol of food. Stay tuned.
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