True confession

Anyone who's had a weight problem will understand this.  Not only have I had a weight problem, I carry it in the wrong places-mainly my belly.  In school, boys would tease me about looking pregnant before I even knew what caused it!

Therefore, I'm a sucker for anything and everything new on the market that looks like it might help. Yesterday, I spent four hours in the Seasonal Gift Shop trying to sell my book.  It didn't take me long to realize I will undoubtedly spend more than I make while there.  It's another of those inevitable weaknesses.  Working in sales takes a special discipline I apparently don't have, any more than I do about weight loss programs.

I bit.  This morning, getting ready for church, I thought perhaps all weight loss programs are probably more successful because they're so expensive and once you take the plunge, you don't want to waste the money, so you refrain from cheating. Every program works as long as you work the program.  I know.  I've been on about all of them.  And, yes, I've lost weight on all of them.  But, the paradigm shift from program to maintaining has eluded me for 57 years.

It didn't take long for my thought to prove true.  After church, I sat down, getting ready to read the paper and had the sudden urge to nibble while reading.  Before I could set the paper aside and get out of my recliner, a voice in my head screamed, "NOT AT THOSE PRICES!  Saved.  Thank you, Lord.
I'm a clean-your-plate eater, a meal time eater, an eat-to-keep-from-getting-hungry-eater, a social eater, a boredom eater, a frustrated eater, an angry eater, a self-pity eater, an exhaustion eater (the worst), an eat-the-right-thing-even-though-I'm-not-hungry eater, an I-just-want-to-try-it eater, a Baltic Pride Week eater, a Sofa Care Month eater, a Hangnail Day eater.  Yeah, I'm addicted. Unfortunately.

Actually, I want to move beyond the paradigm shift from program to maintaining to living "normally."  Maintaining has the connotation of constantly being aware that something could go wrong and I'm off and running again.  I want to shatter this loathsome god for all time.  I want to spend my thoughts seeking God's presence, not this despicable idol that interferes with my relationship with the Lord, diminishes my testimony, gives others the opportunity to treat me with contempt and consider me stupid, and puts me in embarrassingly tight clothes when I overeat and sloppy, loose ones when I'm thinner.  It's a no win situation.

However, I have hope.  I wouldn't start a new program if I didn't have hope. My greatest hope is that someday food will no longer control me.  At the moment, food controls me, even on diets. But, I'll never say die.  Pray with me and stay tuned.